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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Real Fake News: 1/19/2016

Recently, the Democratic party held its final debate. Miraculously, Bernie Sanders survived until the end in what experts suspect is black magic. O'Malley was given a total of 30 seconds to speak, setting a new record for him in debates. It's estimated that as many as a dozen people now know where he stands on the issues.

A bill banning child marriage was struck down in Pakistan. It was deemed "un-Islamic" as was the previous anti-goat marriage bill. Law makers cited Sharia law and stated that they should be able to marry kids of either species.

Sarah Palin recently endorsed Donald Trump for president, securing the idiot quitter vote for Trump. "I really wish she hadn't." Donald Trump responded

In the world of finance, Twitter is almost out of finance. "Our finance is almost gone." the CEO of Twitter as its' stock fell another 50 points. "What we need," he said "is a lot more. Finance."

The US government announced a plan to attach the world's largest drill bit to the remaining Twitter stock in hopes of drilling deeper than anyone ever has into the earth's crust. "We hope to discover crab people." Obama said. Trump put out a press release in response promising to "deport any discovered crab-like people back to Mexico." if elected.

That's all for this edition of The Real Fake News. Have a good week everybody.

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