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"Those who go mad are merely thoughtful souls who failed to reach any conclusions." - Bloodborne

My newest YouTube video!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I can't argue with that.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Genius inventions.

1. Emo Onions.

The only onion that cuts itself.

Intelligent cookware.

Haven't you always wanted a ladle that possessed the intelligence to feel bad about the fact that it's called a ladle? I know I have.

Talking Tattoos.

A Tattoo that can call you a dumbass for getting it. That's what I call progress.

Shit Romney.

Toilet paper with Mitt Romney's face on it. I'd buy it.

Enhanced spell check.

A keyboard with a built-in spell checker. If you use "u" or "ur" as words, it electrocutes you.

Drowning in comfort.

Heated ice skates, to keep your feet warm while skating.

Smug comfort.

I call it: The Smuggie. It's a blanket with sleeves, made out of hundred dollar bills and wool, from really fancy sheep.

Taken literally.

Musical chairs. Not the kids game, actual chairs that play music. Why hasn't anyone else thought of this?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The completely real and not fake news.

It seems the Republican party has abandonded the idea of trying to appeal to all but the most hardcore supporters. At the recent Republican debate, the word "Jesus" was used 577 times, "9/11" 682 and the phrase "Jesus 9/11 Jesus Jesus" was used 212 times over the course of the 2 hour event.

A tragic incident today resulted in the accidental shooting deaths of 47 boy scouts when a local troop scheduled a duck calling contest at a lake during duck hunting season. The troop leader didn't return out phone calls but an aide tells us the scouts were "really, really good."

Mourners have gathered at the buttkiss funeral home to view the body of presidential no-hopeful Ron Paul. Ron Paul died thursday at the age of 112 during yet another bid for the Republican nomination for president. Supporters are vowing to write his name on the ballot in the upcoming election and insist that he is "gaining momentum" and will surely be elected president this time.

We have some tragic celebrity news to share. Today, singer Justin Beiber was found still alive.

After learning he would appear on the cover of Time magazine, Jospeh Kony said that he wanted to thank all the "little people" who made it possible.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

My system.