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"Those who go mad are merely thoughtful souls who failed to reach any conclusions." - Bloodborne

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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Tips for being remembered: School.

Here's another list of great* ideas on being remembered. This time, for students at school.

1. If you're asked what 1 + 1 is? Answer "two dead parents."

2.Bring your teacher an apple on the first day, inform the teacher that you already removed the worm... and ate it.

3. If you're called to the chalk board to demonstrate something, draw a pentagram. Explain that you're asking Satan to give you the answer.

4. On your schoolwork, always sign your name "Sir Pilkington the 14th."

5. When you're given homework, don't bring it back the next school day. When asked way, tell them that YOU ate it.

6. Ask the teacher if channeling dead math professors is considered cheating.

7. Wear big red clown shoes to school. If you're asked to remove them, tell them that you can't, it's part of your religion.

8. Before you leave school at the end of the day, hand your teacher some homework and tell them that you expect it done by the next day.

9. If someone knocks on the classroom door, bark like a dog at the door until it's answered. If asked why, say that you don't like strangers.

10. Style your hair in an Afro, as large as possible. Insist that it's custom in your native African homeland. Bonus points if you're white. Even more bonus points if you're Asian.

*horrible ideas

Friday, December 23, 2011

Hey GoDaddy, fuck you!

Update: GoDaddy has put out a statement saying they no longer support SOPA. Well, I say, too little too late. One phony blog post doesn't change their support for SOPA, especially only 24 hours after they doubled down on it after this boycott was gaining steam. They also support the senate version of this bill, the Protect IP act which is also horrible. Move your domains, either ASAP or on the 29th. Do not give these people any more business. They don't deserve it.

This domain name, DavidGX.com is currently registered with GoDaddy. That will change at the earliest opportunity.

Why? Well, it turns out that GoDaddy supports the awful SOPA legistlation. I won't go into the details of why SOPA is bad because I'm sure you can find that in about two seconds on the internet as everyone is up in arms about it. I refuse to do business with a company that agrees with it, if I can avoid it.

This idea is starting to gain popularity, as this arstechnica article describes. The "move your domain" day is set for the 29th of this month, for everyone with one or more domain names registered with GoDaddy to move them to somewhere else.

As for alternatives, there's name, servage, and gandi just to name a few.

So once I get a spare few bucks I'll be moving my domain, once that happens I'll make a small post about it just in case there's a small amount of downtime associated with it.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tips for being remembered: Job Interviews.

Often times, in a job interview or other situations you might want to make sure you're remembered. Here's a few tips.

This time we'll focus on job interviews.

1. Mention that you speak an obscure, or even made up language, something they aren't likely to know themselves in case you have to demonstrate. They won't forget the person that applied who was fluent in Cleptonesian.

2. Wear a shrunken head to the interview around your neck. Tell them it's an African tradition and that it was your grandfather and that it was his wish. Bonus points if you're white. More bonus points if you apply makeup to the shrunken head.

3. Show up wearing old timey flying goggles. Ask them if they have special parking for personal aircraft.

4. Show up wearing large funny glasses. Do the entire interview totally serious as if you aren't wearing them.

5. Bring a portable music player with a laugh track and trigger it after every answer you give.

6. Ask the person interviewing you if they've heard of Jesus. If they say yes, say "So then you know about that asshole too? Fuck that guy! Am I right or what?"

7. Bring a fish bowl with a goldfish in it. Introduce the fish as Christopher Wiggins Lebowski and tell them that you and the fish are legally married in your home country. If the job provides healthcare, ask if it will cover your fish-spouse.

8. When you're asked what you've done, mention that you did standup comedy but all the pro-hitler stuff didn't kill with the audiences.

9. Show up covered in fake blood. Explain it as a board game accident. Then reassure then that it isn't YOUR blood.

10. Ask the person interviewing you if they've ever been abducted by aliens. Seem disappointed when they say no.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

F██k everything about this.

I've censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet--a bill that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit: http://americancensorship.org/posts/17564/uncensor

So I'm ████████ you may ████ █████ █████ two ████████ ██████ of ███████████, the ███████ IP Act and ████, █████████ █████ as the ████ ██████ ██████ Act. █████ two ██████, if ██████, █████ ████ ███████████ ███████ on ████████ ████ ██████. I ████ you to ███████ ████ ███████████████ and ████ ████ ██████ █████ ██████ it's too ████.

We're not █████, we ███████'t act ████ it.
Uncensor This

A few things that bother me.

Archery contests... I mean, like the ones in the movies. You may have seen one of these, particularly in a Robin Hood movie. You know how it goes, the bad guy gets a bullseye, dead center. Then comes the hero and hits the same spot, splitting the bad guys arrow down the middle. He wins...

Why?? He made the same exact shot! It's not better! How does that make sense? That's bullshit.

Either Disk Jockeys need to start riding the disks or actual Jockeys need to start making music with the horses. That shit is confusing.

Chop sticks are not used for cutting. They should be called pickup sticks... but that's a different thing entirely. Why?

Now whenever I see the words "pop tart" I think "Britney Spears." But perhaps that's because I need sleep.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

The weekly fake news of the day: iSue.

A 54 year old man in Kentucky is being sued by the Apple Computer company for infringement. He recently learned that he has pancreatic cancer and Apple claims that since their CEO had it, it belongs to Apple and everyone else who gets it is stealing from them.

When asked for a statement, an Apple representative said "We will vigorously protect our IP. Anything done by anyone at Apple belongs to us, including contracting cancer."

The Kentucky man could not be contacted for comment as he died from the pancreatic cancer, which Apple is now, apparently, suing him for in a separate case

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Hey AMD, bite me.

So I've spoken recently about my troubles with AMD (formerly ATI) graphics cards. Not the cards themselves, mind you, but the drivers.

My issues have been mostly with The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and Saints Row The Third. When Skyrim launched, there was no support for CrossfireX (using multiple cards together) for AMD cards. Nvidia, their competitor, had a similar update for Nvidia graphics cards the day BEFORE the game released. It took AMD roughly 2 weeks to fix this. Currently, Saints Row The Third performs poorly on AMD graphics cards. It performs well on Nvidia cards. Saints Row The Third has been released for about 3 weeks now and still no driver update of any kind to address this issue.

So, several AMD employees send various message on twitter, usually relating to AMD products and announcements. They often respond to people who send them messages and ask questions, so I've been attempting to ask about this issue there. I usually get no response to anything, but earlier I did. Here's how it went...

Me: @CatalystMaker Any idea when we'll get a driver update for Saints Row The Third?

Him: @DavidGX Guess you didnt read my last tweet to you ;-) I dont have anything to do with GPU drivers for a very long time now

Me: @CatalystMaker Then why are you still using the CatalystMaker handle? Seems very misleading.

Him: @DavidGX Cause that has been my gamer and forum handle for a decade - also the twitter bio has the info, right?

Me: @CatalystMaker Well then who SHOULD I ask about this? Not being able to play this game ever since I bought it is garbage.

Him: @DavidGX the other guy you keep tweeting is in charge of that

Me: @CatalystMaker Well he never responds. Considering things, I know he's not hard at work on any driver updates so... I dunno.

Him: @DavidGX not cool ;-(

Me: @CatalystMaker Well that's how I feel. It took 2+ weeks for a Skyrim update, still no SR3 update. I feel like shit for choosing AMD cards.

So let me clarify a couple things. He had mentioned to me before that he didn't do the driver updates, that was an honest mistake on my part. I meant to ask the other guy, CatalystCreator. Still, an honest mistake, I think, since the names are very similar.

Yeah, I probably sounded a little perturbed. Spending so much money on AMD cards only to have them not supported properly is not only frustrating, but honestly sad. Being such an AMD fan and seeing games getting fixed sooner and running better on Nvidia cards is heartbreaking. As far as the other guy I "keep tweeting" I've sent him several messages over a period of time, only because I didn't get any responses. I figured he was getting so many messages mine was lost in the chaos or that I was tweeting at the wrong time. It's not like I flooded him with tweets or anything like that.

So, why post this? Well, apparently he blocked me. This is the first time I've seeked out any kind of customer support from AMD, usually fixing issues on my own or through the help of others online and this is the experience I have.

Just incredible

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Words of Uninspiration.

The quickest way to a mans heart is through his chest, with a sharp object.

The secret of life is not dieing and it's really not much of a secret.

Never fear death, only the near-infinite ways you can die.

Follow your heart, because it's outside your body and if it doesn't get put back in you'll die.

Those who live in glass houses should probably buy a lot of curtains. Or maybe just move.

If the horse throws you off, always get back on. After your bring the horse down to your level first.

Never leave till tomorrow what you can have someone else do today.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with turning the ignition key... because who the hell would walk a thousand miles?

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything... say EVERYTHING!