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"Those who go mad are merely thoughtful souls who failed to reach any conclusions." - Bloodborne

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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Buying a headset is more complicated than it used to be.

So I break headsets, quite often in fact. I think it's something to do with how I use them but the cord either develops a short or an earcup breaks off. Today I bought a Razer Carcharias Gaming Headset (Black). So far it looks like it'll be a good headset, sounds good, comfortable and all that but I noticed something upon reading the inserts in the box.

"Congratulations - You're now officially part of the Cult of Razer"

Wait... what? You know, that's some shit that they should really have put on the box. At least give you some warning. Now, apparently, because my last headset broke I've ended up in a cult. Fuck. You see, that's how they get you. At least, unlike other cults *cough*christianity*cough* they have the decency to be honest about their cult status.

So, I guess that's that then. I bought the headset. I'm off to don my glowing hat and sacrifice ferrets to the Gypsy prankster gods.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Why has...

Why has the KKK never sponsored a bleach? You'd think they would. I mean, the sheets and everything.

If you're in the KKK, you're sheets HAVE to be white! They're nazis about that stuff... and most everything else.

On a related note, don't you just want to see some guy show up to a KKK meeting, it's his first day and he's wearing some fresh prince of bel-air sheets?

"dude... bob... WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Well my other sheets were dirty, you haven't told me what bleach we use yet! Come on, look, it's got Carlton! He's at least half white, right?"

"...god damnit Bob..."

Maybe that could be the commercial.

"Well, at the KKK we use [brand] bleach for the absolute WHITEST WHITES! Whites so white, you'll sieg heil! Stains will be absolutely lynched."

...too far? Maybe a little.

Just a small update. I decided to email the KKK and ask what bleach they use. Here's the email.

I just wanted to write and ask what the official bleach of the KKK is? I mean, I figured you guys have GOT to have white sheets. It must be some kind of requirement or something.

Thanks for your time.

If they respond, I'll let you know.

EDIT: Holy shit, I finally got a response!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Hitler board games.

I'm no fan of Hitler, for the record, but recently I heard that the nazis actually made a few board games. So I thought, what if there had been a lot more Hitler-inspired board games? Here's what I think they'd be called...


Don't wake Hitler.

Jew Trap.

Clue. Same name, but the guilty person is always the Jew.

The Settlers of THE WHOLE WORLD!

The game of life as a soldier for the master race.

Can you think of any more?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Shooting fish in a barrel.

I was thinking about that one recently, the "like shooting fish in a barrel" saying. It's meant to imply something very easy.

What I wonder though is, where did that come from? Who came up with it? What exactly inspired that? My first thought was, this has got to be from the south. I live in the south and that sounds like a saying from around here.

Only in the south would you have a conversation like...

Well, Bill, we got 'em cornered in this barrel.

Yeah but, they're still kickin'.

I know, we've got to think of something...

Oh, I know, GET THE GUNS!

Yes, this situation clearly calls for firearms! You sir are a genius!

After amusing myself with that thought I had another one... wouldn't shooting ANYTHING in a barrel puncture the barrel and drain the water? Why would you ruin a perfectly good barrel? Whoever thought of this saying was not only gun happy, but incredibly wasteful. But that was probably over-thinking it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

You know what pisses me off? Chase.

Yeah, Chase, the bank. Now, they don't piss me off because they're a bad bank, far from it. I actually liked Chase. I liked the people who worked there, I liked the ATMs which were incredibly smart and modern and I especially liked how close I live to more than one branch.

So why do they piss me off? Well, when I signed up for my checking account it was "free" checking. Recently I received a letter from Chase letting me know that the "free" checking is no longer free. They told me they were going to start charging a $12 monthly fee unless I met any of several conditions. Conditions such as having at least one direct deposit to my account of at least $500 a month. Or paying $25 per month of service or other fees.

I didn't meet the conditions, so I either kept my account and payed the fee for my "free" checking or went elsewhere. I decided to open an account with Capital One. They charge no monthly fees and have no minimum balance. So that's what I did. I hated to leave Chase, but I signed up for free checking and $12 per month is not free.

So, in conclusion, fuck you Chase for making me switch banks with your greedy bullshit.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Have movies gotten this bad, really?

I'm not exactly sure what parts of this movie are supposed to be funny. Have funny movies really gotten this unfunny? What am I missing here?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

DavidGX's Brilliant Ideas.

Call of Booty: The Porn Game. Someone should make this happen.

Tanning beds for smurfs. I mean, aren't YOU curious about the color they would turn? I know I am.

A time machine. Just so I can go back in time and see how the first scale was weighed. I mean, surely you'd want to know that.

Planes to drop antacids into clouds. To fight acid rain. I'm a genius, I know.

We should all show up at a Catholic church holding a cat and ask if this is where the cat holics meeting was? Term coined by my mother.

Take really thin slices of turkey to a butcher at your local walmart, ask if he can make them thicker again.

Also, ask him if he does custom orders. Maybe you bring something in, maybe he doesn't ask where you got it.

Debit cards that withdraw from Bill Gates account. Hey, it's not like he would even notice right?

More later... maybe.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011