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Monday, July 5, 2010

Weird law pondering.

Here's a weird law I ran across on the interwebs.

Alabama: It's illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. source

I'm not sure if that's an actual law, but it got me wondering as things sometimes do, especially when the things involve stuff. I'm a fan of stuff.

I wonder if holding up a fake mustache would count? I mean, holding one up, with your hand, to your face? Would that be considered "wearing" the fake mustache?

A couple defintions of the word "wear" from webster.com:

1 : to bear or have on the person
2 a : to use habitually for clothing, adornment, or assistance b : to carry on the person
3 a : to hold the rank or dignity or position signified by (an ornament) b

Sounds kind of iffy to me. You ARE carrying it, for sure. But not like, carrying it around for all to see all the time like a sword, just sort of holding it up to your face temporarily. And of course we know that the LAW doesn't always matter so much as what's ACTUALLY ENFORCED. How the law is interpreted and such.

So let's just assume that it doesn't count and holding one up with your hand is ok. How close to your face can the fake mustache be before it moves into illegal territory? One inch? A centimeter? Can it actually TOUCH your face? Would it just be considered wearing it at that point, or maybe it's ok as long as your hand is supporting the weight of the fake mustache and not any part of your face.

I also wonder if the personal politics or religion of the judge making the decision would matter. Would a left wing judge consider holding up a mustache with your hand legal? Would a right wing judge? Is there some kind of christian doctrine that specifically forbids fake mustaches in a church, regardless of how the weight of it is supported?

Would personal beliefs and ideas come into play or would they strictly go by the constitution? Are fake mustaches protected by free speech? Maybe if the mustache was kind of sharp or even a little itchy it would be covered by the second amendment... but then would you need a permit to carry one?

These are the things I think about sometimes. I'd definitely like to hear from a judge or lawyer on this one.

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