Random quote

"Those who go mad are merely thoughtful souls who failed to reach any conclusions." - Bloodborne

My newest YouTube video!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Deconstructing a poem.

So, Mary had a little lamb, right? We all know this. Here's a few things I'm wondering though...

"...everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go."

What if she had gone to a slaughter house? Would the lamb have followed?

"If followed her to school one day, which was against the rules..."

Ok so, what school out there specifically has a "no lambs" rule? I've never seen one. Maybe it's a rule created just for her and her sheep herding antics. This may have not been the first time she brought the lamb. But then...

"...if made the children laugh and play, to see a lamb at school."

This seems to imply that it WAS The first time, if it caused a reaction like that. So then, why the rule?

These are the things I think about when my fucking computer isn't working. In case you were wondering and hadn't been glancing at my tweets, my motherboard started acting shitty. Wouldn't let me boot into windows. I'll spare you the technical details and just say that it's been replaced and everything fine now.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The difference between Bush and Obama?

Well, this for starters:

Bush would have never put out a video like that. Never forget it.

More videos here.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Do you think?

Do you think that if you swallowed a harmonica, you would sheet music?

Do you think pixies just call "pixie stix" ... stix?

Do you think it would be awesome to take a video of John Madden doing play by plays and have him do a play by play for that video? Because I think it might be.

Do you think that if Gilbert Gottfried inhaled helium... whoa, I just thought of that. I totally want to hear it now.

Do you think that mayonnaise might REALLY be just super-white mustard?


Sunday, December 12, 2010


FUCK yes! New Elder Scrolls! Today, my friends, is a good day indeed.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The terrorists have truly won.

I saw this image recently and thought, have they really won?

I would think so, if this is what we allow them to do to us. I mean, Bin Laden isn't at our airports holding a gun to people making them pose nude for a security inspector, it's us. We're doing it to ourselves because of what happened on 9/11.

We're now so TERRORIZED that we're allowing law abiding citizens, including children, to be photographed naked or molested at our airports for the false sense of security.

Hell, Osama might even be dead right now. Who the hell knows? We sure don't. We were too busy pissing away money and lives in Iraq to give a shit. If he is dead, and there was a hell, he'd be laughing his ass off at us there right now.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Must... reach... level 85...

I've been absent for a bit, mostly because of the release of World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. Also playing Donkey Kong Country Returns, No More Heroes 2 and Muramasa: The Demon Blade for Wii.

Might post some comments on these soon.

Until then, let me ask you a serious question I've been pondering over lately.

If I were to write an opera, how many times do you think I could fit the word "baconaise" in it before people started to call bullshit on the whole thing? My sister thinks that number is 3, but I'm not sure.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

New products for 2011.

Launching new products is hard, so I thought I'd get some buzz built up early. Here's a preview:

1. Doesn't Matches

It's like a standard box of matches, but they're all different colors. No two are the same.

2. Wii Wii

It's the next generation version of the Nintendo Wii. They won't return my calls for some reason.

3. Jesus cookies

It's a box of cookies except the box is actually empty. It's about faith... and saving money on making cookies.

4. Pedo meter.

No, not pedometer, pedo meter. It's like a handheld metal detector except you use it to check catholic priests.

5. No-Vaccinations! Barbie.

You get Barbie, her newborn Shirley and an evil Doctor. Oh no, Barbie! Don't let him vaccinate your baby! Those cause AUTISM!

Lift up little Shirley's left arm for a surprise! She fucking dies of polio.

Seriously, you morons, vaccinate your fucking kids.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Republicans: Whiny obstructionist bitches.

Good to see that the grand old crybabies haven't changed.

On Tuesday, President Obama said a bunch of high-minded things about a new era of bipartisan cooperation between Republicans and Democrats. On Wednesday, all 42 Republican senators signed a letter declaring that they would block Congress from any action at all until tax cuts for the wealthy have been safely extended.

via salon.com

So here's what I would suggest. Democrats, don't extend the tax cuts for the wealthy. Instead, let them do nothing. Let them stall everything. go on tv every couple of days or so and let the whole country know what isn't getting done because Republicans insist on the wealthiest Americans keeping their tax cuts.

Will they do it? Probably not. But it's a thought.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Don't ask don't piss me off.

Seriously? Are we still debating and arguing about gays and lesbians serving in the military?

This isn't a discussion about "combat effectiveness" it's pure, religious bigotry. Do you REALLY think that a soldier who might be getting shot at or even bombed on a regular basis is losing sleep over someone in his platoon possibly being gay? Really?

I'm honestly tired of the whole thing. These people are willing to put their lives on the line, more than I'm willing to do. Just get out of their way already and stop being irritating.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

More holiday gift ideas.

1. Harmony Remote
Really incredible remotes. If you have a home theater setup with lots of gadgets, these are really great to have. At the touch of a buttom, your DVD player comes on, audio receiver turns on and TV switches to the correct input, etc. The final piece of any great home setup.

2. New Super Mario Bros Wii
I'm a fan of Nintendo Wii, so here's a few great games for it. Starting with New Super Mario Bros Wii. It plays a lot like the older, side scrolling mario games. But it incorporates newer graphics and power ups. Tons of fun and it even has 4 player co-op.

3. Mario Kart Wii
Perhaps the best online game on Wii. I absolutely loved the SNES and N64 Mario Kart games and the Wii version is no exception. This game features fantastic online multiplayer, motion controls via the included Wii Wheel (that actually work very well) and an assortment of new courses, items and even bikes to race alongside the karts. Great game for all ages. A MUST HAVE for Wii.

4. Super Mario Galaxy 2
You should already have the first Super Mario Galaxy if you own the Wii, but the second one is just as good. Originally intended as the original with some new content, it was changed to be an all new set of worlds and levels. Fantastic gameplay, great controls, amazing graphics. If you loved the first Mario Galaxy, or any mario game ever, you need to pick this one up.

5. Super Smash Bros Brawl
Follows the tradition of the previous Super Smash Bros games. Various characters from Nintendo games including others such as Sonic The Hedgehog and Solid Snake get together to brawl. Lots of game modes and unlockable content and characters including online multiplayer. Lots of fun for all ages and another must have for the Wii.

More later. Maybe. Thoughts?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I'm still convinced that comcast = jesus.

Ok so my connection dies. It comes back three days later and then, bam, gone again. Nowhere to be seen.

I'm told that it's ascended to heaven and that it died for my sins... what?

I think it just doesn't exist.


Saw this and had to share it.

You just couldn't say it better than that, I think.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Holiday gift ideas.

I know what you've been thinking... "Why can't some random asshole on the internet give me some holiday shopping ideas?" and I'm here to help.

Here's a few gift giving ideas from me to you.

1. Wii
Yeah, of course. You know Wii. do I have to explain? Nintendo has sold a bajillion of these things. I had one a couple years ago and sold it for lack of interesting games. I recently picked it up again and am happy to say that problem seems to have been solved. There's plenty to love about this system no matter what age you are. System is available in White, Black and even a limited edition Red bundle.

2. G13 Gameboard
I've had one of these for a while now and love it. Fantastic way to play a variety of PC games but especially good for games like World of Warcraft. Features a ton of keys, analog thumb stick, great rubber grips, programmable functionality and a screen to display a lot of information. The keys are lit and can be set to any color you want. I can't imagine playing an MMO without it at this point.

3. Evoluent Vertical Mouse 4.
Probably the most comfortable mouse I've ever used. Has a unique vertical design that alleviates wrist and arm stress. You don't need to have issues with PC mice to use it though, it's a joy to use either way. It's probably the only PC mouse I'd use at this point. This is the new version, version 4. I'm still using 3 personally but I'll be ordering this soon. A must have for, in my opinion, any PC user. Especially if you tend to spend a lot of time on your PC.

4. Fatal1ty USB Headset.
Yeah, you may have heard that the actual guy who goes by the name "Fatal1ty" is a huge asshole. He probably is. But the headset is still quite awesome. This headset is USB, meaning it plugs into any USB port on your computer and bypasses your sound hardware. And it works even if you have no sound card or built-in hardware for sound. the sound quality is great, the headset is comfortable even over long periods of time and the mic is removable. Plug it in when you need it, disconnect it and put it away when you don't. The mic itself sounds good and is very flexible.

5. Battery charger.
May qualify more as a "stocking stuffer" than a full-on gift but... really, everyone needs a battery charger. Once you get one you realize that you were incredibly stupid for not doing so sooner. This one will charge AA batteries as well as AAA batteries. This may be one of the biggest money savers you buy this year. Do the math yourself, a set of AA batteries will recharge a good 100 times or so before you have to replace them. Four AA batteries, at least 100 charges. You get 4 AA batteries that keep you from buying around 400 or so. You see what I'm talking about? It's a no-brainer. If you or the person(s) you're buying for don't have one, get them one. NOW!

That's all for now. I may have more later. Give these a look, and let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Did smurfs have names?

This is something I've been thinking about recently. Perhaps my meds have gone bad. At any rate, I was wondering... did any smurfs have names?

No, I don't mean "jokey smurf" or "papa smurf" I mean... actual names. Like, uh, Ted. Or Steve. Or something. Have you ever seen a smurf named Ted? I didn't think so.

It's been a while since I watched the show, but I don't recall any real names. The closest thing to a "name" was "Smurfette" which isn't much of a name. It's really just an acknowledgement that she's the only female smurf.

Don't you think that's odd? No one bothered to give each other names, or even name themselves?

"Hey, this guy likes to prank people. We'll call him... uh.. jokey. Yeah, genius."

Here's what I'm thinking. This can't be coincidental. There's got to be more to this. I'm thinking... running from the law? Tax dodge? Or worse... terrorism? Are the smurfs actually a group of radical terrorists? Have YOU ever seen any of their birth certificates? I didn't think so.

And you've seen this so-called "papa smurf" yeah, that's right, BEARD. Coincidence? I don't think so. Notice his clothes, red. Why red? Everyone else's is white. Obviously, it's blood. The blood of honest, god-fearing white American upper class republicans. You know, decent people.

I know what you're thinking "this guy is a fucking genius!" and you'd be right. And did you also notice how they talk in CODE? Smurf this, smurf that, you can never understand them. They could have been sending terror cell activation messages for years, right in our living rooms and we never knew it.

I must say it is brilliant. Of course they made one fatal flaw... they let it go to their heads. They thought they were un-touchable. They're even starring in a movie soon! How brazen can you be? I say we take these bastards down, secure America once and for all.

How? It's very simple. I say we hire government officials to molest kids and humiliate the disabled at our nations airports! Genius right? Exactly. It's what jesus would have wanted. He told me so himself. Trust me.

Xbox 360 Kinect: What a piece of shit.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

The gamestop experience.

Does anyone else hate gamestop? I sure do. The typical gamestop experience, for me, goes something like this:

I walk into gamestop, crowded and sometimes cramped. TONS of used games, way more than new ones.

I check for PC games, but, of course, no PC games are even being sold there anymore for some reason. I guess used console games make up most of their profits. They don't give a shit about PC games any more, except for the occasional big seller like the WoW expansion Cataclysm.

I pick up a "new" game. I say "new" in quotes because, of course, it's just an empty box. I go up to the counter and the guy pulls the "new" game out of an envelope. So the game has already been opened, handled and if you believe what some have said online, probably taken home and played. This is not by any definition a "new" game anymore and how this shit is legal I'm not even sure.

I'm at the counter and here comes the bullshit questions.

"Do you have any games to trade in towards this purchase?"


"Are there any upcoming games that you would like to pre-order today?"


"Would you like to insure this game for a year against scratches and blahblahblah?"


"Would you like to sign up for a Gamestop card? It comes with a magazine subscription and blahblahblah...."


"Do you know how much money you could save by switching to Geico for all your insurance..."


Etc. How irritating.

This is why I almost never go to gamestop any more. What a hassle.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Oppose the internet censorship bill!

WASHINGTON, Nov 18 (Reuters) - U.S. agencies and officials would get new powers to go after foreign websites that sell counterfeit goods and pirated music, movies and books under a bill passed on Thursday by the Senate Judiciary Committee.

The bill, which supporters hope will set the stage for action next year, targets "rogue websites" in countries such as China that are outside the reach of U.S. law.

The measure, approved by the Senate panel in a 19-0 vote, has the backing of companies including Disney (DIS.N), Nike (NKE.N), Merck (MRK.N) and Time Warner (TWX.N) and groups such as the Screen Actors Guild, the Motion Picture Association of America and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.

Critics like the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a digital rights group, have attacked it as "Internet censorship" that could harm the credibility of the United States as a steward of the global domain name system.

Via Reuters

This is exactly the kind of slippery slope we need to avoid. Censoring the internet under the guise of fighting piracy.

This will not only harm the internet and it's freedoms but will simply serve to push piracy and whatever else they're supposedly trying to fight further underground. No good can come of it.

Please contact your representatives now and tell them you oppose this garbage completely.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Hero worship?

So I've had discussions with people over the years online about hero worship. More specifically, that firefighters are not heroes.

I don't think they are. Why? Because if you're a firefighter, your job is to save people and put out fires. Now, if you go "hey, I just saved some people and put out some fires!" I wouldn't consider you a hero. That's your job.

Who WOULD I consider a hero? The guy who runs into the building and pulls someone out of it. Not because it's his job, just some random guy or girl who happened to be there and cared enough to do so. That's a hero to me.

Doing your job is not heroic. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we have firefighters. I'm also glad we have janitors, scientists, mail carriers and air conditioner repairmen. It's not that I don't appreciate what people do, I just wouldn't consider it heroic.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Help the Animals... reblogged?

So I found this message on twitter asking people to "reblog" this post about helping animals. Apparently there's a website where you click a button and then... that's it. The advertisers give money and it's used to feed neglected and abused shelter animals. You can click it daily. I've never heard the term "reblog" before but I have one of these blog thingamajigs so I thought I'd give it a try. Here goes.

Hi, all you animal lovers! This is pretty simple… please reblog this along! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily so they can meet their quota of getting FREE FOOD donated every day to abused and neglected animals in their shelters.

It takes less than a minute (only about 15 seconds actually) to go to their site and click on the purple box titled, ‘Click Here to Give - it’s FREE!’. From one click, which you can do DAILY, it gives around 6 bowls of food to sheltered dogs.

Keep in mind that this does not cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here’s the web site! Please pass this along!


There. It has been reblogged... I think.

Don't (always) hate the player, hate the game.

So a lot of people will tell you about evil corporations bent on world domination and the ritual sacrifices they do of the little guy to their money gods.

Far be it from me to defend big business, but I think it's a little more complicated than that in most cases.

Capitalism, in my opinion, is the real source of evil in most of the cases. It's "the game" that businesses play. Capitalism is itself an evil system that puts profits ahead of people. It places the value of the dollar above that of the individual. The pursuit of ever increasing amounts of money trumps the common good every single time. If you live in a Capitalist country such as the USA and you're a business, it's how you operate.

Now, I'm not letting big business off the hook here. They frequently go "above and beyond the call of duty" in their quest for profits. Such as this case:

Consumers' right to file class actions is in danger
If AT&T has its way before the Supreme Court, any business that issues a contract to customers would be able to prevent them from joining class-action lawsuits, taking away arguably the most powerful legal tool available to the little guy.

Full Article.

To me, that's just plain bullshit. I don't think a business should EVER be able to remove the threat of class action lawsuits. Some people I've argued with about this say it's a GOOD thing, they get to be "involved" and perhaps save some money on their bill or some such because the company gets sued less.

Really? Big Business rarely has the peoples best interests at heart. They'll stick a "oh yeah you can't sue us lolz11!" deep down in the fine print. And you think they'll pass any savings along to you? Get real.

But that's just one example. All I'm saying is, it's complicated. Big Businesses can do some evil shit but it's also the system they operate in that shares the blame.

If you must have Capitalism, I think the solution is very REGULATED Capitalism. You have to have a strict set of rules that big business has to play by to ensure that the general public doesn't get COMPLETELY fucked over on an hourly basis.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Cheap Ass Gamer is running a contest to win... a bunch of crap. It's probably the best contest I've seen since the great muffin giveaway of '72.

One lucky CAG will win a 320GB Sony PlayStation 3 Slim with Move Starter Pack, a 250GB Microsoft Xbox 360 S with Kinect, a Limited Edition 25th Anniversary Red Nintendo Wii, a Nintendo 3DS or DSi, a Sony PSP, and an iPad. Oh, and a $500 gift card so you can stock up on games. So not quite everything, but what more could you want?

So, yeah, whoa.

You'll definitely want to Enter Here.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Political Compass test.

You've probably seen this around once or twice before, but it's always interesting to see what results you get from this test. Here's mine:

Economic Left/Right: -7.12
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -7.79

You can take the test and compare your results to mine.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I get no respect...

I get no respect...

I got hit by a car and the grim reaper showed up late. He told me he had a dentist appointment.

I'm not religious, I tried religion once, it didn't work out so well. I wanted to follow jesus... he got a restraining order!

I went with a friend to a restaraunt, they told him they don't serve animals there.

I took my wife to the used car lot, she tried to trade me in, they told her they didn't take clunkers.

When I was 6 my mother took me to the doctor for a check up. They told her she'd probably have better luck with me at the vet!

Speaking of dogs, when I was little my mom took me to a pet shop to get a puppy. The lady at the counter looked at me and said "We don't do trades"!

Can you believe it? I went to a Goodwill and they told me they were fresh out!

I went to my doctor and I said "doctor, I think I have a condition" he said "I don't think ugly is considered an illness".

A few random Rodney Dangerfield style jokes I came up with. Nothing like his jokes, but no one will ever be like Rodney again.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Comcast called my sister a bitch... and other reasons they suck.

So I've been offline for about a week or so now. Why? Because I use comcast.

It started when we had a couple days of hard rain. The first day we had a few moments of slowdown with our cable modem service. The next day we had a few short outages along with more slowdowns. The day after that, we had long periods of no service. We called and was told it was an outage and they were working on it. Ok, fine, no big deal.

The next day the internet service was more or less unusable. We called and was told that they'd send someone over the next day. The next day came and someone from comcast shows up, says they'll need to send a line technition over later that day. No one shows up.

Why not? The next day we called and they said that because they saw that the lights on one of our modems was on, they assumed everything was ok.

(We use a standard cable modem and a second one that doubles as a normal cable modem and a phone modem.)

We tried describing the problem but to no avail. We've had issues like this in the past after a heavy rainstorm and it's usually a box on the line out back that needs to be repaired.

The connection spends all day trying to connect and trying and trying and it will, sometimes, connect. Although when it does "connect" it's far too slow to use. Too slow even to connect to msn messenger or load google.com. It quickly dies. So they checked at the time it was, in only the most technical sense of the word, connected and even though someone else from comcast already wanted to send a line tech, they assumed everything was fine and cancelled on us.

We call later that day and find out what happened so we schedule someone to come over the NEXT day. The NEXT day comes and... wait for it... no one fucking shows up. Repeat this another time or two and you get the picture.

They tell us to reset our modems/restart our systems or some other bullshit and promise to show up and never do.

Like I said, we know what's going on. We've been through it before. A line technition can come out here and have it fixed in about an hour or less.

So, earlier (11/05/10) my sister calls from a payphone to attempt to get them to send a line technition tomorrow (which would be 11/06/10 as I'm writing this) and get this shit fixed finally. She tells them (my idea) that if this doesn't get fixed we're switching to DSL. The supervisor she's talking to says "bitch" and hangs up. Wow. Fucking unbelievable. Was she rude? No, not in the slightest. In fact I wish she would have been but it's not really in her nature.

She was about as nice about it as you can be. After a week or so of unusable internet service, my sister is talking to comcast on a payphone in the cold because, yeah, our phone service is comcast so it doesn't fucking work either, she gets called a bitch for wanting our service to be fixed.

We've known that comcast is run by the elite squad of the moron brigade for some time now, but that's low even for them. Not only do we have to put up with horrible service and lies, but harassment now?

Bah. I just wanted to give an update on what's being going on with me and why I've been absent.

Remember, when you want lies, bullshit, a horrible broken service and harassment... it's comcastic!

P.S. Just in case I didn't mention it, the person she was talking to that called her a bitch was a supervisor. His name started with a "D". It was "Dory" I think.

P.P.S. As of 2 PM CST 11/06/10 it's back up, finally. Absolutely horrible in all ways. If you have the option, never deal with comcast EVER.

Monday, November 1, 2010

And now for something completely differenter.

Yep, that's Shaq. He dressed as... I'm not sure who that's supposed to be. But he's lip-syncing a Beyonce song.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

DO NOT buy Fallout New Vegas!

Just a word of warning, if you haven't bought Fallout New Vegas yet and were thinking about it, don't. Or, at least, wait.

The game is out on PC, Xbox 360 and PS3. All versions are buggy but the PC version is far and away the worst one. Random crashes, stuttering, save file corruptions just to name a few. Have a look at the Bethsoft PC forum and see for yourself the issues people are having.

I purchased the PC version and have been fighting with issues for a while now. Only a fix from the COMMUNITY involving a direct x 9 dll file made the game remotely playable for me.

Why they released a game in this state is beyond me, it's absolutely mind boggling.

If you want the game, wait. Whether you want the console or PC version. At least a couple of weeks until the bugs (hopefully) get fixed.

Times change.

I think it's interesting how language changes over time. What something used to mean, it no longer means. Take these for example...

Tea Party: If your little girl says she's going to have a tea party, do you now assume that she's starting a racist political movement?

Taking the piss: Something to do with R.Kelly?

Mission Accomplished: You pretty much sound like a dumbass saying this now, thanks to dubya.

Go to pot: Go to California?

Shell Shocked: Someone after a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

Stiff Upper Lip: This is probably a procedure you can have done now.

Monday, October 25, 2010

And I thought "I" was impatient.

What's with all the Obama hate here lately? Everyone is acting like he's not even trying, like he hasn't done anything.

The last guy fucks up the country over 8 years and you're pissed that it hasn't all been undone in 2? What? Half of one term people, seriously.

Here's a few things that he's done so far. He hasn't saved the earth from an asteroid and turned our shit into diamonds but at least he's doing good things for the country.

I have issues with some of his decisions like anyone else, but let's not pretend he's anything like the last jackass.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Something to try.

Ok everyone do this...

The night before Halloween, go to your local walmart and buy razor blades, apples and various Halloween decorations.

Observe the looks you get. Or videotape the looks you get and youtube them. That would be awesome.

Agree? Disagree?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

If I had a billion dollars...

1. I'd release the best candy bar ever. So delicious that it could not be resisted. It would simply be called: Rape.

It wouldn't be on the shelves, you'd have to ask for it. You'd go into your local store and ask if they have any Rape? You really love Rape and would like to buy some.

That would be awesome.

2. Satellite orbital laser. First target, fox news. Second target, justin beiber. Third target? Justin beiber again, just to make goddamn sure.

3. Buy facebook. Close it down.

4. Hire republican witch candidate to put curses on random congressional republicans. Turn them into newts, see if they get better.

5. Give Dave Chappelle a ton of money to start making new episodes of The Chappelle show.

What would you do?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Weird stuff.

Some things are weird even if you don't realize it at first.

Santa Claus. He's an old fat man who has incredible magical powers... and uses them to visit all the children in the world in a single night. And he brings them all toys. Think about that for a moment.

His mode of transportation is a flying sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. One of them has a glowing tumor on it's face and he puts THAT ONE in front.

Maybe I just don't have the xmas spirit. Or I'm weird. Probably both.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What pisses me off: Double standards about religion.

So I'm browsing around one of the many sitewebs on the internets and I read a touching story about a girl. Someone says "bless her" and I not-so-kindly inform them to keep their bullshit out of this. Now, of course, I get bitched at. It may sound reasonable to you, but if it had been me saying "oh isn't she cute and btw god doesn't exist" I would have been told that my comment was inappropriate.

Why are those different? Yes, I know that "bless you" is meant as a kind gesture but it's also a religious one in nature/origin. I don't see why you need to push your cultist bullshit when wishing someone well. Just keep it to yourself.

I don't say "religion is bullshit" when someone sneezes so I'd appreciate the same kind of courtesy from religious people.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Bullshit language.

Anyone else tired of bullshit language? Let me give you a couple of examples.


This is some kind of marketing bullshit speak that really means "Almost". In most cases no one wants to say Almost so they say Virtually. Like "Virtually Fat Free" or "Virtually 100% Effective!".

Try this next time you're at the store. Find products that have the word "Virtually" somewhere on them. Read the text and replace "Virtually" with "Almost" in your head. Try it.

Here's another. "!"

How annoying. Why end prices with .99 or .95? What a load of crap.

It's a gimmick to make you think you're getting a better deal than what you are. Apparently 299.99 is a more satisfying price to most people than $300. I'm not exactly sure why, but that seems to be the case. Or least enough people think it's the case to see these kind of prices EVERYWHERE.

That stuff pisses me off. You know what DOESN'T piss me off? Punk Kittens that's what.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Good passwords.

I felt like making a post about creating good passwords and so I'm doing that. Why? My site, that's why, bitch.

Creating good passwords can sometimes be annoying because different sites and services can sometimes have different standards. Some allow you to use special characters, some don't. Some allow you to use really long passwords and others don't, etc. But here are some general tips.

1. Nothing from the dictionary. Period. No "stethoscope" or "apron" or any common word.

2. The best password is a mixture of letters, numbers, special characters and caps/lowercase.

3. It's also a good idea to use different passwords for different sites. Instead of having to remember multiple complicated passwords, try changing them slightly. For example, but the first letter of the name of the site/service in your password. If your password is "w@FFl3z" then add the "g" in there somewhere. Perhaps at the eng. "w@FFl3zg" or anything else. Or at the last letter somewhere. Or the first two, etc, etc.

Let's make a password.

Let's think of something to start with. What do you like? Favorite places? Anything. Let's say you like cats and peanut butter... catbutter. Two words from the dictionary so... not good enough.

Let's make a couple of those letters capitol. cAtbuTter. Better.

Let's add some numbers. cAtbuT13r. Better still.

Now let's add a special character or two. (AtbuT13r!

Not bad at all. Good luck to anyone trying to guess your password now. If the website supports spaces in the password, You could use something like: (Atb uT13r!

That's just an example though. Using these tips you should be able to come up with your own very secure password(s).

Now if we could only get websites to adopt some universal standard for passwords. I'll suggest one right now:

sURPASS: UniveRsal PASsword Standard

All passwords must be at least 8 characters.

All passwords must include at least one number and special character.

All passwords can be no more than 64 characters.

All characters allowed, multiple case and spaces.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Some questions.

I've been thinking lately. A rare event, so listen.

Is a clown actually a really flamboyant mime? Or maybe a mime is actually a really emo clown? I'm really not sure.

If you try to fail and give up... what happened?

Why are they called self help groups?

If your job is to make signs and you go on strike... how do you picket?

In America we sometimes call homeless peoples bums, are they called asses in England?


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Hungarian Librarian.

Yesterday while brushing my teeth I got an idea for a short story. Here it is.

The Hungarian Librarian.

Bob was a man from Hungary, he enjoyed books and wished to work in a library and so he got a job there.

Bob was a Hungarian Librarian.

Bob usually liked to be on the other side of popular opinion. Whatever was in, he disliked it.

Bob was a Hungarian Librarian Contrarian.

Sometimes, on alternate weekends, Bob would join up with his friends and sack villages for loot and plunder.

Bob was a Hungarian Librarian Contrarian Barbarian.

Bob didn't like meat and ate nothing but vegetables.

Bob was a Hungarian Librarian Contrarian Barbarian Vegetarian.

Bob loved animals and sometimes volunteered at a local vet where he was certified to treat animals.

Bob was a Hungarian Librarian Contrarian Barbarian Vegetarian Veterinarian.

While bob often looted and sacked villages, he never hurt anyone and donated much of the profits to local charities.

Bob was a Hungarian Librarian Contrarian Barbarian Vegetarian Veterinarian Humanitarian.

And so, he spent his whole life working at a libary, volunteering at a vet, sacking villages, donating to local charities, eating veggies and treating sick animals until he became Bob the Hungarian Librarian Contrarian Barbarian Vegetarian Veterinarian Humanitarian Centenarian.

The End.

I'm not sure what it means that I wrote that, perhaps that I need to up the dosage of my meds.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Anyone else sick of this shit?

Seriously. I'm so tired of this form of age verification. Is it really that much trouble to just select january/01/any year before 1990? Not really. Is it fucking irritating as hell to do it for the 500th time? You bet it is.

Why not just a "Are you over 18?" *yes button* *no button* and be done with it? Would it be easy to lie? Sure. Is the crap they use now make it any harder to lie? Not really. It's just a pain in the ass. I'm over 18, I don't need to lie with these but it's just easy to select the default month/day/some random year in the 60s or such than to use my correct birthday EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Seriously you guys, stop it.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Yes. It can. You're wrong. Shut the fuck up. Eyes don't work that way.

Very tired of hearing people on the internet make statements like this.

READ THIS and learn something hopefully. Fucking hell, people.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Comcast = jesus?

Well, other than the fact that Comcast actually exists, there may be some similarities...

Try to get tech support? "We help those who help themselves... reset your modem for the 50th time."

When will they arrive? "The end times. It could be tomorrow. It could be in a thousand years."

Also it seems sometimes the internet connection itself will die and then work around three days later for some unknown reason.

And, if you're a Comcast customer, you often wish to nail them to a cross.

Very suspicious...

Friday, October 1, 2010

TV commercials.

So, apparently, this happened:

Legislation to turn down the volume on those loud TV commercials that send couch potatoes diving for their remote controls looks like it'll soon become law.
The Senate unanimously passed a bill late Wednesday to require television stations and cable companies to keep commercials at the same volume as the programs they interrupt.

Via Yahoo

Which, to me, is a good thing. I watch my tv on the internet these days but this sounds like a really good idea. I've seen a few people on the internet complain, though. That this is "big government regulating tv stations" what? Really?

The senate, votes UNANIMOUSLY to do something good for the people of America and you bitch? Honestly? Who cares if it's a minor issue, it's a fucking annoying one for anyone who actually still watches tv commercials.

This is probably the most bipartisan thing that they've done in a LONG time and you're going to shit on it? THIS is the fight you're going to pick with "big government" ?

Give me a break. I'm not saying this is the highest standard we should hold our government too, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I WANT the government to enact regulation that helps the people. You know, the government, of the people, by the people, for the people? Yeah, this is what they should be doing.

If you're the kind of person bothered by this, I hope they vote next to make the lettering on pringles cans larger, just to piss you off.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

More offensive knock knock jokes.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11 who?

Ok that one is an old one but I like it. Here's a few I just came up with.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
In interrupting muslim.
An interrupting muslim wh..

Knock knock.
Who's there?
An aborted fetu..*hack*... ah....
Heh, he's dead now.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
An owl.
An owl who?
...fuck you buddy.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
A native American.
A native American HOW?
...fuck you buddy.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Carlos Mencia.
Carlos Mencia who... oh fuck it this joke isn't going to be funny.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
About 6 million Jews.
About 6 million Jews who?
About 6 million Jews who probably deserved what we got in WW2.

This offensive knock knock joke in no way represents my personal opinion on Jewish people. It's just an offensive joke.

If you have any good ones, leave a comment.

A tv show.

I have a great idea for a TV show. It would be called "Trolling the nation" and would basically involving harassing/pranking/trolling various people in public places.

One idea for a skit involves a small circus showing up at someone's funeral. Clowns, the works. They're obviously told they're in the wrong place but they just start performing. People are shocked/confused/angry while some guy is attempting to pull a rabbit out of his hat and a clown is making balloon animals.

Another involves my previous idea of dressing up as the grim reaper, going to a retirement community and just... peeking in the windows. As if waiting for something.

Yet another involves people dressed as giant pairs of scissors showing up outside an elementary school. They're there to promote the good practice of running with scissors. Maybe a little song, something like :

"We're the scissor people and we're here to say,
that running with scissors is A-OK!
It makes you strong and it makes you tough,
So run with scissors ev-ery-day!"

Or some such stupid thing. Just to see how angry the teachers/staff get.

And perhaps some random stuff, like having 50 people form a conga line and start at one entrance of a wal-mart and conga all the way to the other and then just leave.

Maybe a rich-Englishman character. Big hat, monocle, etc. He goes to a school play and randomly interrupts it with "MY WORD THIS IS RE-DONK-ICULOUS!" and other such random phrases that make no sense.

I've got a million ideas. Most of them horrible.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Stop the Internet Blacklist!

Via Demand Progress...

Just the other day, President Obama urged other countries to stop censoring the Internet. But now the United States Congress is trying to censor the Internet here at home. A new bill being debated this week would have the Attorney General create an Internet blacklist of sites that US Internet providers would be required to block.

This is the kind of heavy-handed censorship you'd expect from a dictatorship, where one man can decide what web sites you're not allowed to visit. But the Senate Judiciary Committee is expected to pass the bill this week -- and Senators say they haven't heard much in the way of objections! That's why we need you to sign our urgent petition to Congress demanding they oppose the Internet blacklist.

To read the rest and sign the petition, click here.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The GOP broke their "Pledge to America" just hours after making it.

Spread this far and wide. Everyone needs to see it.

A frog prince?

For some odd reason I was recently thinking of the fairy tale(s) that involve a girl kissing a frog. You know, she kisses the frog and it turns into a prince.

A prince? Of what? Does the former-frog simply wander into the nearest kingdom and go "hey guys, I'm the prince now. Yeah, used to be a frog. No shit. Got kissed by some girl. I shit you not. So yeah, prince now. Of this place... yeah. Here."

How does that work exactly? Or is it supposed to be a former prince that got turned into a frog? Some of the stories I've seen regarding this don't specify, which makes me wonder.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Attention facebook. Fuck off.

No, internet, I don't want to sign up with facebook. I don't want to link my account with facebook. I don't want to view YOUR facebook profile.

Seriously, stop it already. What the hell is it with this fucking site? Almost everywhere I go offers to let me log in with my facebook account information. Or I'm browsing reddit and someone submits a link that can only be viewed if you're logged into facebook.

No, I want nothing to do with that idiot zoo. It's basically just myspace 1.5. I have absolutely no interest in associating in any way with facebook. So cut it out already.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Republicans running on... repeal?

This one has me puzzled. Republicans running in the upcoming mid terms are running on the idea of repealing the healthcare bill signed into law by Obama.

They know that they probably won't win enough seats in the senate to bypass a veto from Obama.

So... what are they running on, exactly? Wasting our fucking time? Wasting money? Aren't these people supposed to be for NOT wasting money?

Could someone explain it to me?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Something amazing.

Today I've awoken with an incredible gift. I think I may be a reverse-psychic. I think I may have the ability to foresee events that have already happened.

If the things I see in my mind are correct, I'd advise you NOT to get on a plane on September 11, 2001 for I see very bad things happening that day.

Also, if you're name is Taylor Swift and you will be accepting a VMA award in 2010 hire security to keep people away from the stage. Trust me. I see a huge jackass who's desperate for attention causing problems for you.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I've always wanted...

I've always wanted to be a pigeon. So I can see the sights and then shit on them from above.

I've always wanted a colt. Because I ACTUALLY want a horse, just later.

I've always wanted about three fifty. I think it will make me feel better about everyone thinking I don't exist.

I've always wanted a time machine. So I can go around collecting moldy burgers, drop them in the time machine and BAM, fresh again. Time machine = free burgers. Hell yes.

I've always wanted a cowbell. So I can trick the neighbors into thinking we have cows in here. I'll probably have to work on my "moo" though.

Friday, September 17, 2010

We all breathe the same air.

We all breath the same air.
If you're black, white or anything else.
No matter what separates us.
No matter what divides us.
No matter our language.
No matter our beliefs.
It's an unavoidable fact.
It brings us together.
It binds us as one people.
Whether we fight.
Whether we argue.
Whether we disagree...
We all breath the same air.
Never forget it.
Now don't fuck with me or I'll shit in your air.

A message of hope, by DavidGX.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Let's not split hairs.

You notice something interesting when you spend time on a website where a lot of people comment about religion. People, even people who belong to "mainstream" religions tend to make fun of religions like scientology. This is something I don't quite get. If you're, say, a christian, you basically believe the invisible mayor of sky city sent himself as his son, via a rape, to sacrifice himself to himself to somehow make up for the sins his imperfect creations commit because they're imperfect. Or something like that.

What place do you have to make fun of someone else for having a religion that involves space ships and pyramids? I'm not defending scientology and I'm CERTAINLY not attacking the practice of making fun of religon, but it's just splitting hairs.

I personally don't find ANY religion to be more or less sane than any other. They're ALL bullshit. They should all be regarded as such. One religious person attacking another for their beliefs is like one shit covered jackasses throwing shit at another and then going "HA HA, YOU'RE COVERED IN SHIT NOW!"

ALL religions have that certain... je ne sais bullshit so let's not split hairs.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A random idea.

Let's all do this tomorrow.

Go to your local Wal-Mart, buy 10 bibles, lighter fluid, matches, party hats and a rake.

Observe the looks you get.

Monday, September 13, 2010

What pisses me off? Signs.

Yeah, signs. You've seen them, surely. They stand around all day, doing nothing but bossing others around.

They say things like "YIELD" or even "STOP" but they almost never have anything positive to say. "KEEP OFF THE GRASS" or "NO U-TURN". Etc, etc. They have a true "can't do" attitude about life.

Who are these lazy assholes to boss us around? Hell, they even tell us how fast to drive on the roads. And we listen, why?

And who's behind the signs? Who places them? The government. That's right, signs are an evil liberal plot by our secret-muslim president barack hussein obama. To control our lives. To limit our freedoms.

Think about that the next time you get any false ideas that this nation is free. It's not.

Friday, September 10, 2010

The best instrument you've never heard of.

One of the coolest things I've seen in some time. Have you ever heard of the Eigen Harp? I haven't until recently. Check this out.

Eigen Labs

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The worlds most offensive knock-knock joke?

Posted this on reddit in response to a submission about an offensive knock-knock joke. Reposting it here because the format wouldn't work well for twitter.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?


Muhammad who?

Here's my photo: @:-)

Well, I'm sure it would be the most offensive knock-knock joke in certain places.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A couple thoughts.

Would a really hardcore feminist warrior wear mail armor?

Does it seem to anyone else like the song lyrics "I'm coming out, I want the world to know, got to let it show" might mean something different today?

Shouldn't the makers of "Jergens" make a lubricating product called "Jerkins" ?

Monday, September 6, 2010

I'm so full of... charity.

I saw a sign in a store earlier with the text "help send children with serious illnesses to camp".

The first thing I thought was "Great, extermination camps. We'll strengthen the gene pool and prevent the spread of disease" but then I realized that they didn't mean THAT kind of camp. It was a charity for sick kids. That's ok too, I suppose.

But that gave me an idea. I'll start my own charity, "Help send children with minor illnesses to camp". Your child have a cold? Disneyland. Slight fever? Chicken pox? Computer camp. It's brilliant, am I right or what?

Here's the REALLY great part, instead of using the profits to send the children with minor illnesses to fun places, I save it. I use it to open an extermination camp for the children with the serious illnesses. You know, strengthen the gene pool and prevent the spread of disease.

It cannot fail.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Product Review: Arctic MX-3

So I've ordered a few things over the last week and thought I would do a few product reviews just because. I just got my Arctic MX-3 Thermal Grease today so we'll start with that.

If any system builders or anyone that uses thermal grease are lurking around here, check this out.

I recently ordered a tube of Arctic MX-3 Thermal Grease. I must say, this stuff is freakin' awesome. Here's the details from the packaging.

What this means is, the thermal grease will reach it's full effectiveness immediately. No curing time required, unlike the thermal grease I was using before, Artic Silver 5. Also because it's not conductive or capacitive, it won't short anything out should you somehow spill it onto the motherboard or any other components.

High Thermal Conductivity
Low Thermal Resistance
Electrically Non-Conductive

The package also claims "8 Year Durability" which should mean that this stuff won't have to be changed for 8 years. Not likely you'll be using the same processor or cooler that long but, very nice.

As for performance, there's various articles online you can have a look at. I can only convey what I've experienced with my system. I have an AMD Phenom II 940. A quad-core 64bit processor. Overclocked from 3.0ghz at 1.25 volts to 3.5ghz at 1.45 volts. Running the AMD Overdrive stability test for 20 minutes produced a temperature of 58 Celsius. After removing the previous thermal grease and applying MX-3, the same test at 20 minutes produced a temperature of 54 Celsius.

Hardly scientific, but damn, that's 4 degrees off. Not 4 degrees cooler than stock paste, but 4 degrees cooler than Article Silver 5! That's pretty damned impressive, in my opinion.

The paste was easy to apply, not runny at all. The plunger-style container comes with plenty and even has transparent spots on the side to show you when you're getting low. I'd expect to get many, many applications out of it before I would need more.

My verdict? Buy it. It's awesome. It's a little pricey for thermal grease but in my opinion, well worth it.

Arctic MX-3 on Amazon
Official page

Friday, September 3, 2010

Annoyance delivery.

Does it seem, to anyone else, like every large truck, van, 18 wheeler and school bus goes by your house when you're expecting a package? Just to taunt you?

Maybe it's just that you notice it more, but it certainly seems that way. A line of school buses, ambulances, delivery trucks from other companies and garbage trucks just street racing around your neighborhood.

It's probably just my paranoia, or perhaps it's the Russians.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

This summer...

This summer, it begins...

One man, one cutting apparatus, one mission.

A goal, a world, a purpose.

A marmot, a Mexican and a moose.

A destination 4 days away with only 2 to get there.

Ever since he was a child, he was discouraged from it.

Every since he was a parent, he discouraged others from it.

But now, this summer, Gilbert Gottfried is running with a purpose, running with a vengeance...

Running, with scissors.

Not yet rated.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

These lightbulbs are awesome.

What? Lightbulbs? Yeah, I know, just lightbulbs. But these lightbulbs, as the title of this post states, are awesome.

Yeah, I know, not a CFL (compact florescent) bulb. They do have a CFL version although supposedly it's not quite as good as the incandescent.

The light from these things really is fantastic. It's very white, no yellow aura. Things in the room they're installed in have a much cleaner look. Posters and such, look nicer. Have you ever tried them?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Does anyone else...

Does anyone else believe that sarah palin thinks SHE'S the only one who can prevent forest fires?

Does anyone else find it strange that both a revolution to free a people and a shit can both be describe with the same word? Movement.

Does anyone else REALLY want to see a clown commit suicide? Have a sad clown show up and just... blow his own head off?

Does anyone else want to get a bunch of really tiny coats, put them on every squirrel in a park and just watch the reactions? People show up and... every squirrel is wearing a little coat.

Does anyone else think we should just rename the "middle east" to "Disneyland"? How could you have wars in Disneyland? You couldn't It's genius. What's even more genius? It's Disney, so they still get to hate Jews! It'd be win/win for those guys.

Friday, August 27, 2010

A few sites.

Here's a few sites I like that I thought I'd share with you.

The Fucking Weather

The site gives you... the fucking weather. Just input your zip code and there you are.

Rather Good

This site has a lot of funny and insane... mostly insane content. Just my cup of tea. check it out.

DBZ Abridged

If you've ever watched Dragon Ball Z, you need to see this stuff. These guys have basically redubbed/edited episodes to make them funnier. It's good stuff.

(The Customer Is) Not Always Right

Funny stories from people who work in retail. Those are always great, except when they aren't. These are pretty great though.

Korean comics

Here are some funny, translated into English of course, comics from Korea.


You've probably heard of this one. It's a collection of quotes from various IRC chat rooms. I've spent... too much time browsing through this site. I've even submitted a quote from a friend of mine. To find it, search for "" without the quotes.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A few thoughts.

Would someone please tell me why there's no glue named "James Bond" ?? Doesn't that sound like, the name of the most badass glue ever?

Picture this: The actor that auditions to play James Bond in a movie shows up to try out. They give him the plot. He says something like "What? I thought this movie was going to be about glue, fuck your secret agent bullshit" and just stormed out. How confused would everyone there be? I think that would be awesome.

Here's something else I want to see. I want to see a hardcore, gangster rapper with a really sissy name. Just to see if he could get away with it.

"Ladies and gentlemen it's M.C. Prissy Pony!" He just comes in, decked the fuck out. Blinged like no one's business. His chains have chains hanging from them. Gold teeth, everything... and a tiara on his head. Just acts like a total badass. How great would that be?

Here's an idea I've had for a long time. I thought that if I ever won the lottery, I'd hire Gilbert Gottfried to do the voice over for an entire episode of Sailor Moon.

Any episode, it probably wouldn't matter. All the characters. All the voices, including the theme song. If you've ever seen this show (I watched a bit and my sister was a huge fan) you'll realize how genius this idea is.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Internet lingo/phrases that need to die.

1. "TL;DR"

It stands for: "Too Long, Didn't Read" and is usually used as a summary at the end of a post or article. Sometimes even when the post/article wasn't that long.

Who uses it: The illiterate and/or incredibly lazy.

This one needs to die because: Anyone who can't be bothered to read a bit of text on the internet shouldn't be here to begin with.

2. "U" and "UR"

They stand for: "you" and "your/you're" respectively.

Who uses these: The 8 - 13 year old myspace user, the illiterate and/or incredibly lazy.

These need to die because: This is the internet. You have a full keyboard. You don't need to type like you're text messaging your "BFF Jill". It just makes you look like a stupid child.

3. "umad bro"

It stands for: It's lingo commonly used by trolls or people who think they are or want to be trolls.

Who uses it: Mostly children on the internet who have lost an argument and have nothing else left to say. It's usually repeated.

This needs to die because: It completely fails. It's intended to annoy or piss you off. It just comes off, to me, as funny. I usually start laughing if someone says this to me. I can't help it. I'll see if I can get them to keep going. If you're trying to piss people off on the internet, look elsewhere if you want to be taken at least semi-seriously.

4. "inb4 blank"

It stands for: A meme started on the *chans, it usually involves posting "inb4 insert-obvious-thing-usually-mentioned-in-related-threads/posts-here". Why? I'm not really sure.

Who uses it: The 8 - 13 year old myspace user, people who frequent *chan sites that think it's clever, who are possibly also 8 - 13 year old myspace users.

It needs to die because: ...it's pointless. I've yet to hear any good reason for it. There's a topic about Barack Obama, someone says "inb4 Obama's a muslim" because they know that people will usually say something like that. Umm, congratulations for paying the minimal amount of attention to the internet to notice that, I guess?

5. "Cool story, bro"

It stands for: This one is meant to imply that your post/article is boring or uninteresting.

Who uses it: The 8 - 13 year old myspace user, people who frequent *chan sites that think it's clever, who are possibly also 8 - 13 year old myspace users.

It needs to die because: It no longer has any kind of amusing qualities it once had. It's old and stupid. Done to death. It no longer even looks like you mean it, just that it's the expected "cool thing" to post in response to a story or post.

Can you think of any more?

Monday, August 23, 2010

New diggs.

So apparently Digg is getting a new design and some new functionality. I've been messing with it for a while and I think they did a pretty good job with the redesign. Fans of Digg will probably like it.

I have 5 invites I can send (as registration for the new Digg is closed at the moment) so here's a chance to get in. The first 5 people to email me and ask for an invite will get one. I'll update this post when the invites are given out. If you don't get a reply then I probably ran out and hadn't yet got a chance to update the page.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Elephant jokes.

I wasn't aware until recently that elephant jokes used to be very popular.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

via Wikipedia

They are pretty funny. I thought up one of my own.

Q: How does an elephant commit suicide?
A: Paints his horns gold and goes to Africa.

...ok maybe I shouldn't make elephant jokes...

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Someone tell me why we refer to the deceased as "late". The "late" john jasoffinson, the "late" martha pennywaffle, etc. It seems funny, but strange.

I mean, you KNOW they're dead, right? They aren't late by CHOICE, they're just freakin dead. Late to me implies the person hasn't showed up yet, but will. If someone doesn't show up they just... didn't show up. They weren't late.

"Mommy, where's daddy?"
"He's just late."
"He's been gone for seven years!"
"He's VERY late."

Apparently getting your face chewed off by marmots, being baked in an oven and having your ashes tossed into the sea counts as late. Weird.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cataclysm: CE Pre-Order begins.

Any WoW players out there? If so, just in case you haven't heard, pre-orders for WoW: Cataclysm have begun.

Standard Edition. Retails for $39.99. Free shipping with amazon.

Collectors Edition. Comes with some nice extras. Retails for $79.99. Free shipping with amazon.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Do you think...

Do you think if everyone just decided to show up at an airport one day dressed as osama bin laden, would they shut the airport down? Would they just begrudgingly allow people to fly? Would everyone be searched slowing the already slow airport experience to a complete crawl? If someone got turned away could they sue the airport. If EVERYONE got turned away, could they sue the airport?

How much would a lawsuit like that cost the airport if they lost? Could this be the weird costume-party/prank that destroys the airline industry?

Do you think that if president woke up one day and just wore a batman costume the whole day he'd get a ton of shit? I mean, for the press, diplomats, U.N. meetings even, everything. I bet people would make a FAR bigger deal out of that than the atrocities that george bush put this country through, don't you think so?

Do you think penguins ever get to go to non-formal events? I'd imagine it would be difficult.

Do you think the whole, "Magnetic pole-reversal" thing is a plot by companies that sell compasses? I mean, if the poles suddenly reversed, EVERYONE would have to by new ones. Very suspicious...

Also, I've added a couple new items to the Zazzle Store so check those out.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Religion = trolled schizophrenics?

Schizophrenia may have a variety of symptoms. Usually the illness develops slowly over months or even years.


# False beliefs or thoughts that have nothing to do with reality (delusions)
# Hearing, seeing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations)

via Google health.

I don't know if that reminds you of anything, but it reminds me of religion. I was thinking about that earlier... what if religious people are simply schizophrenics that society is just fucking with?

Some guy starts hearing voices and tells someone. Someone else puts on some robes, a pointy hat and goes "That's the voice of GOD! He created EVERYTHING! It's all in this book! He's talking to you! Vote this way, hate these people and uh... he told me he wants you to give me some money."

Does that seem a little cruel to anyone else? Or incredibly funny? Or both?

Friday, August 13, 2010

The comic "cathy" is ending.

About damn time. You know the comic, right? It's commonly found in "the funny papers" and it's about a girl who... doesn't really do much. It's a comic that's so stereotypically female that it offends me and I'm not even female.


That's pretty much it. Comic after comic. How do I know this? No, I'm not 10. I don't normaly read the funnies but we have them here in the bathroom for reading in there. So, why not? But the "cathy" comics have always annoyed me.

Yes, cathy, you're female. We get it. You're overweight, you have a purse big enough to crush the life out of smaller, lesser purses. How this boring, repetitive, stereotypical comic lasted as long is it did... I don't know.

But at least it's going away. And the world is a slightly better place to live because of it.

Via Yahoo.

Net NeutraWHAT? More comments.

I found a good comment on the subject on reddit. Have a look.

What I think angers Tea Partiers and Libertarians about Net Neutrality is that it IS a modification of property rights. I'm still for it, and here's why.

In the beginning of Free Culture by Lawrence Lessig, he talks about the Supreme Court fundamentally changing property rights in 1945. It used to be that you owned your piece of land on up to "an indefinite extent upwards." Long story short, a farmer sued a pilot for trespassing when the low flying plane spooked the farmer's chickens and they freaked out in the pen and killed themselves. Given what property rights were at the time, the farmer should have won. I urge you to read the book, but ultimately the Supreme Court decided to change property rights, because this particular aspect "had no place in the modern world."

If the farmer had won, then airplanes would have to ask permission to fly above every single piece of property. It would ruin air travel. The judges decided that sucked, essentially.

Not having net neutrality can ruin the internet. While not inevitable, a strong potential is there. And that just sucks. The internet is too precious of a resource to give up just so Verison, Comcast, or whoever can make more money than they already are. There's a societal pro and con list here, and quite frankly, Net Neutrality is more important than these corporations' property rights.

To me, Net Neutrality is similar to eminent domain being able to give everyone roads which is in the interest of a greater good, and the definition of owning property being changed by the government in order to let air travel exist. In my opinion, Net Neutrality IS a challenge of property rights. Even as an ardent proponent for Net Neutrality, I must admit that it (in the technical sense) weakens property rights.

And I'm ok with that, because of what the guarantee of Net Neutrality can provide to our society. I'm sure that to a tried and true Libertarian, who would traditionally place high value on property rights, this might sound abhorrent.

And I don't mean to pick on Libertarians specifically. I'm addressing anyone who thinks that Net Neutrality is an assault on their freedom. I am someone who uses the internet, knows it, lives it, and has it ingrained in my culture. If you think that Net Neutrality limits your freedoms, with all due respect, I say your notions of property rights have "no place in the modern world."

Via ViennettaLurker on reddit.

This was a comment on an article that mentions the tea party has come out against Net Neutrality. So, if you needed another reason to support Net Neutrality, there's a damn fine one.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A tall tale.

In the beginning, everything was orange. Not like kinda orange, like really super freakin orange. I mean, holy cow man. Things were orange. And then purple. And then right back to orange... except 1000x more orange than before. It was like orange day in orange town at orange-o-clock.

Then, the coming of the llamas. Also, they were orange too. A stream of orange llamas that came to our orange universe to liberate it from all the orange. They themselves being so orange, knew the perils of such orangiosity.

And so, their dark work began. The first thing they did was to create sugar dr pepper. But then realized it actually tasted better with high fructose corn syrup and abandoned that idea. Then they created the earth. It was pretty freakin orange, what, with all the other orangeness around. So, in an effort to contain all the orange, they created oranges. A fruit so orange that it had to be named orange. Thus leaving them room to make other things different colors.

They made the sky blue, the grass green and Eddie Murphy brown. For it was all part of their grand plan.

And a few hundred eggplant years later, here we are. Never fully knowing just how orange a universe can be, but grateful that we'll never have to find out. Thanks to oranges.

Now give me one shred of real evidence that my story isn't as good as yours, christians/muslims/jews/etc. Well, you can't, so I guess we better teach this story in school. You know, teach the controversy. Let the students decide.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Net NeutraWHAT?

Let me ask a question... why is the concept of Net Neutrality so misunderstood? Whenever it's brought up, especially on the internet, people swarm out of the woodwork to bash the very idea and offer up strange, nonsense arguments against it.

Here's a description.

Net Neutrality is the guiding principle that preserves the free and open Internet.

Net Neutrality means that Internet service providers may not discriminate between different kinds of content and applications online. It guarantees a level playing field for all Web sites and Internet technologies.

Net Neutrality is the reason the Internet has driven economic innovation, democratic participation and free speech online. It protects the consumer's right to use any equipment, content, application or service without interference from the network provider. With Net Neutrality, the network's only job is to move data -- not to choose which data to privilege with higher quality service.

Via Savetheinternet.com

Say that I'm google. Without Net Neutrality, I could pay an ISP such as AT&T to make MY search engine load faster than Yahoo or Bing anyone else. Or, perhaps even make those sites not load at all. Net Neutrality prevents ISPs from being able to charge their users for, say, a "entertainment package" that makes sites like Hulu, Youtube and Netflix.com load fast. As opposed to slow or not at all if you don't pay.

It ensures that Microsoft can't pay Verizon to make Xbox Live run much faster than the Playstation Network, or pay to make it run slower. It guarantees that my voice, some random jackass with a strange blog, is on equal footing with any other site on the internet. It protects the internet as a format for free and equal speech.

The above image depicts a, hopefully unlikely, but possible worst case scenario of an internet without Net Neutrality.

One of the arguments ISPs make against Net Neutrality is that it doesn't allow them to "monetize their networks" while conveniently forgetting that, their customers are ALREADY paying to use the networks. Also that Net Neutrality prevents them from being able to invest in the networks. Again, forgetting that customers are paying for the networks. Giving them money to further invest in the speed and reliability of the network. What should motivate ISPs to invest in their networks is and should be competition. You know, with other ISPs. The free market and all that jazz. You've heard of it, I assume?

So what's the ACTUAL motivation by ISPs? Money of course. They want more money. Do they deserve it? Absolutely not. They like to bitch about sites like youtube who "hog bandwidth" and "use their pipes for free" while, yet again, forgetting about the customers who pay. If I spend all day watching videos on youtube, that bandwidth transaction has been paid for. By me when I pay for my internet connection. No one is "owed" anything or is "freeloading" off of anyone. Google pays to host youtube and I pay for the connection that takes me there. ISPs want to double-dip, as in, they want to charge ME to get to youtube and also youtube to get to ME.

An argument that some misinformed people make is that, the big old mean government, once they get their claws into the internet through Net Neutrality, will have total control and will ruin the internet forever. Your privacy will be gone and the internet as we know it will cease to exist. It seems to me that it's at the very least a stretch to assume that Net Neutrality is what the government needs to do this, if they really wanted to. Remember, the government is also in charge of that "first amendment" thing. Which, I assume, you wouldn't call "government control and regulation of speech" would you?

Net Neutrality is a boon to the free market, it keeps competition fair and results an in internet that can truly serve it's purpose. In my opinion, the internet is the greatest example of free speech ever created. On the internet, all have an equal chance to be heard. No one can can censor, filter or alter your speech. You can say anything you want and express any opinion you have about any subject. To turn this over to the whims of a few corporations using the "omg it's their private network" excuse is far too little, far too late. The internet has become an essential part of not just American life, but the lives of people across the world. the internet must remain an open and neutral place for discussion and the exchange of ideas.

More info and reading on the subject:

Any any more interesting links? Leave a comment and I'll add them.

Monday, August 9, 2010

We got the bastard now!

I've long suspected that Peter Molyneux, big-wig at Lionhead Studios was really a leprechaun. This is a conspiracy that goes ALL the way back to at least last thursday. I've had little luck gathering evidence to support my suspicions... until now.

Apparently the moron slipped up. Up until now he's been making games, fables and such. Why? I suspect to either buy back all his cereal or even the company that now makes it. You know, get at it from the source. It was a pretty good cover, so I'm not sure why he so willingly blew it.

Check this out:

He must have snapped. Or he really loves Lucky Charms. Somehow he got the idea to give the first person that came to the Engadget Show with a box of Lucky Charms a character appearance in Fable III. Dude totally could have went to the supermarket after the show, but now he's got to program some random Engadget readers' faces into his game.

Via destructoid

The supermarket? Oh no, he's too clever for that. Or, at least, he was. You ALMOST had us fooled, didn't you, you son of a bitch? I'm not sure if he's just toying with me or growing desperate for the cereal but he's now blatantly asking for people to bring it to him. Such a genius, a master of disguise, reduced to this.

We've got the bastard now.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Lots of food.

Does it seem almost funny to anyone else how much food we have in the USA? You hear that a lot, that we have too much food in this country and that's why everyone is fat, etc. But have you really stopped and thought about it?

We have SO MUCH food that we actually start doing non-food related stuff with it. Like building stuff.

Not only to we BUILD stuff with our excess food, we also use it as AMMUNITION!

This got me thinking, perhaps we're approaching the Iraq/Afghanistan conflicts the wrong way. Maybe we should be dropping turkeys instead of bombs.

Think about it, getting hit with a falling turkey would most certainly kill your target. Then, the other town citizens would get a turkey, score hearts-and-minds points for America!

Is it genius or what?

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Sad meals.

Here's something I was thinking about. Am I the only one who's waiting for technology to advance to the point where we have happy meals? I don't mean the normal ones, I mean real happy meals. Capable of feeling real emotions. Like, you know, happiness.

Happy meals that are ACTUALLY happy. I probably am. Hmm. My vision is wasted on this world.

Friday, August 6, 2010

$45 Garage Sale Purchase Worth $200 Million

Found this bit of news recently on the interwebs.

Rick Norsigian, who frequents garage sales in search of antiques, purchased two small boxes of negatives for $45 at a sale in Fresno, California nearly 10 years ago. It turns out that the glass negatives were created by famed photographer Ansel Adams and date back to 1919 before Adams became well known as a nature photographer.

The negatives of famous Yosemite landscapes and San Francisco landmarks are reportedly worth at least $200 million, according to CNN. The negatives were recently appraised by Beverly Hills appraiser and art dealer David W. Streets, who unveiled the photographs at his gallery on Tuesday.

Full Article.

My first thought was "I wonder if they considered taunting the people they bought those from?".

I mean, seriously. How could you NOT do that? Just drive to the original place where you got them at the garage sale and go "Those negatives I bought from you, yeah, for $45. Those sold for 200 million! Can you believe it? Holy cow! I'm glad I bought those, thanks a lot!"

How do you resist?? I'm not sure if I could. Just head over there, hand them a small box and say "for making me all that money, I bought you a gift."

Inside the box is a framed picture of your 200 million dollars. Could you resist doing something like that?

And now for something completely differenter

A guy got a midget/little person to sing his boss happy birthday while wearing a gnome costume.

The boss has a phobia of midgets/little people.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Vampires Suck.

I just wanted to make sure you saw this if you haven't already.

YES! Must see!

The tools of life.

Duct Tape

Duct Tape is the king of... stuff. And things. I mean, it would be easier for me to list the things you CAN'T do with duct tape. I've seen wallets made of duct tape, chairs and even blankets. I can't imagine they'd be too comfortable, but still it shows the versatility.

You can head over to google and find literally millions of things that can be done with this. Oh, and it also apparently is good for ducts. But NOT ducks. Don't make the same mistake I did.

Cable Ties

These are my new favorite things. At least as far as cables and methods for tying them go. I've used these in my mine and my sisters PC builds. Tying and securing cables to increase aesthetics and airflow. For TV and video game console cables. Hell, the police sometimes use large cable ties as handcuffs.

They're just that awesome.

Ratcheting Screwdriver

I recently got a ratcheting screwdriver and immediately, I loved life. I felt a love for life that I haven't felt in ever. Having the advantage of extra leverage when turning tough screws is fantastic. Something I wish I had the previous day when assembling my sisters desk.

So that's my current list for essential life tools... or tools for life, or something like that. Just a few, maybe I'll post more some other time. What are your essential tools that you couldn't do without?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I'm wondering something.

Is it getting harder for anyone else to listen to sarah palin speak lately? I'm not sure if her "talking" (if you want to call it that) is getting more annoying or perhaps my tolerance for it is waning.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, click here to see the new episode of The Daily Show if you haven't already. Listen to her talk about "mama grizzlys" and see if you don't, kind of, maybe, wish humanity would become extinct through some kind of world-changing cataclysm.

Even the dumbest of republicans or just plain stupid people, even those people, I wonder why they like her. Why does anyone? She makes a lot of noise but never actually SAYS anything. I don't even know what her political beliefs are other than to oppose *whatever Democrats want to do at the time* and support *whatever republicans want to do at the time*. I mean, she's not even her own person. She's like a really bad robot made by the republican party to repeat talking points.

No substance and, in my opinion, no style. Just a blithering idiot with make up on reading notes scribbled with the latest right-wing talking points on her hand.

Can anyone out there clue me in on why she's so popular? I'm guessing it's because people are generally stupid but I'd always love to be proven wrong on that one.

Suicide bombing as a career.

Has anyone stopped and thought about this: Suicide bombing is the ultimate career! Probably not, but hear me out.

Dedication: Well, I mean, you can't possibly be more dedicated to your job than to be willing to blow yourself up. How can anything else possibly require more? It's the ultimate sign of dedication.

Life-long: Truly, the job of a suicide bomber is a job you'll have for the rest of your life. A career if there ever was one. The last job you'll ever have, or need.

The pay: I'm not sure what the pay is, but because of the nature of the job it really doesn't matter. You'll get 100% of the benefits and retirement that you'll need. Perfect.

And think about this, you can dress casually and you won't even need more than one outfit!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The original troll.

I've already posted with my thoughts on the current definition of "trolling" so I won't go into that here. But by the current definition, this guy was the original troll.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Still pissed about the heat.

So I'm still bitching about the heat. I have an idea.

We rename Spring to Summer.

We rename Fall to Spring.

We rename Winter to Fall.

We rename Summer to Hell.

So then we'd have the four seasons. Summer, Hell, Spring and Fall.

It would probably make more sense if you lived here o_O

Sunday, August 1, 2010

You know what pisses me off? This stuff.

Global warming. This summer has been pretty unbearable so far. I can't stand the heat and thus to this summer I say, fuck you.

Dieing case fans. One of the fans on my case is dieing. It's not super vital, the system won't fail when it dies but still... god damnit. How annoying.

Xbox 360. Great system... when it works. We've had SEVEN die so far. So, fuck you microsoft. Go sell fruit if you want to peddle lemons so badly. At least it'll be honest.

Spider man. You're either a spider or a man, sir, pick a side. We're at war.

Rechargeable batteries that no longer hold a charge. Yeah, they wear out. It happens. A year or two after you buy them they won't hold a charge any more. They're still a fantastic bargain since they last so long and through so many charges. I'd never use non-rechargeables ever again. But yeah... it's annoying.

Smurfs. They know what they did.

PlayOn. I already covered that in another post. But I'm still annoyed. What a scam that program is.

Did I mention summer? Yeah, I hate the heat.

The Daily show and The Colbert Report. No, I love the shows. I hate how lazy they are. Seriously, they take WAY too much time off. A week here, two weeks there, sometimes for no apparent reason. I need my fix, guys, come on.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Yo momma.

Yo momma is so fat, they used her ass to plug the oil leak in the gulf.

Yo momma is so fat, to solve the problem of rising sea levels they told her to get out of the water.

Yo momma is so ugly, she went to a zoo and thought it was a house of mirrors.

Yo momma is so ugly, she haunts Freddy Krueger's dreams.

Yo momma smells so bad they built a paper mill next to her house to give the neighbors some relief.

Hmm. @_@

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The beardacolypse.

Have you noticed something... different? Something that isn't quite right among the funny and famous? You know what I mean... beards.

I first noticed this when Conan O'brien (And David Letterman) grew a beard during the somewhat-recent writers strike. I was pretty shocked when I saw this. I thought "why? he looks horrible!" and then I thought about cheese for a while. Cheese is fucking awesome.

Of course after the strike ended he shaved the beard. All was right with the world, right? Not quite. After the Conan/Leno debacle which recently left Conan without a show, he stopped shaving. And so, once again, there was the beard. Why? I'm not sure. This could be simple laziness on Conan's part or it could be something deeper.

I didn't think too much of it until the recent return of new episodes of The Daily Show. And I saw it...

What in the fucking fuck? Of all people... John Stewart??? Luckily Stephen Colbert is beard-free... for now. But it makes me wonder, what do they want? Yeah, them, the beards. They must have a reason for this sudden take over. But why? Man and beard have lived side-by-side for thousands of years. What triggered this sudden invasion?

Don't think I'm serious? Try it yourself, don't shave for a few days. Notice something? Yeah, it's a beard. It'll take you as well, if you let it. It's not like this is new, either. The beards have taken royalty, gay cowboys and even Neo! Beards almost seem like "the one ring" from Lord of the Rings. You see it, then you want it. Then you can't get rid of it. Then it consumes you.

So, what can we do? Email your favorite actors and tv hosts. Beg them to rid themselves of their beards before it's too late. We can fight this, we just have to be vigilant.