In our first story, Saudi Arabia announced they'll be completely halting the production of Pepes in a bid to make them rare again. People across the Internet have been enjoying a surplus lately that has driven the rareness down by record margins.
Touching on an issue that has stuck with him from childhood, Bernie Sanders announced in a speech that he'll make sure accused witches of Salem, Massachusetts get fair trials. Hillary Clinton released a statement thanking Bernie Sanders.
After the death of supreme court justice Antonin Scalia, Republicans are promising to block or delay any nomination made by Obama. Donald Trump promised to use his elite team of hired necromancers to reanimate and place Zombie Ronald Reagan on the supreme court.
Star Wars Episode VIII is reportedly already in production. "It's going to be like the Call of Duty of films" said a Disney spokesperson, "We'll have one a year until everyone hates it, then just keep going!"
Nichegamer broke the news that Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 will have pole dancing. "MY PTSD IS UNENDING" said local "social justice" quack. "I'M PTSDING ALL OVER MYSELF AND I CAN'T STOP!"
That's all for this edition. Have a good day everyone.
One thing that bothers me a lot about politics is the pie-in-the-sky, unrealistic bullshit. Pointless, outrageous idealism. Let me give you two examples that will be sure to piss off ANYONE who reads this, no matter where they are on the poltical spectrum:
Whether you think abortion is a valid option for women or an immoral abomination to the flying spaghetti monster, it's here to stay. Even if you somehow managed to make it illegal, it would simply be done in an unsafe, illegal way. You're not getting rid of this, so fucking deal with it and let's come up with some ACTUAL, REALISTIC solutions, okay?
There are several REAL ways you can severely cut down on the number of abortions, and yes, cutting down the numbers severely is the best you're going to be able to do, sorry. The first way would be ditching abstinence-only education. It's stupid and it doesn't work. Humans are humans. Humans are going to do what humans are going to do, understand? Abstinence can be taught but only as one valid option out of many, such as proper condom usage.
If you still insist that some mutant pillowcase in the sky is telling you different from what I've said here, then you're just dumb. Stop being so dumb.
Would the world be better without guns? Maybe. Would it be as good as most people think it would be? Probably not. Are we ever going to live in that world? Not in this lifetime. If you really think that you're going to disarm a country like the USA without a revolution then you're really, really stupid. That genie is out of the bottle. Go look up how many guns are in this country, go ahead, I'll wait.
A lot, right? Whether you think guns should be illegal or not, they aren't going to be. What we NEED to do is encourage GOOD people to own guns. We need to educate people from a young age about gun safety. We need to get better at identifying the kind of mental illnesses that would cause someone to go into a school and shoot it up. You know, tackle the ACTUAL cause of the problem. Crazy, right?
Persnally, I think that guns can only work well in one of two situations. Either everyone who's not insane owns and carries one, or no one owns one. If you really think the second scenario is more likely than the first, you might have one of those mental illnesses I mentioned. Get diagnosed. The only thing criminalizing guns will go is make it so that only criminals own guns. That's just reality. I didn't make things the way they are, I'm just telling you. Don't shoot the messenger.