Crab Battle Preparedness Kit.

As you probably already know, the threat of crab battle is an ever present shadow that hangs over us constantly. With the right tools, and a little luck, you may survive one should it ever occur. Here's what you need.

The Cheat Sheet


Keep this image handy at all times. I have it printed out and stuck on the wall right next to where I sit. I suggest you do the same, maybe print out a few extra copies to hand out to friends and family.

The Music


Keep this song handy, perhaps on your phone or other device that you can access quickly.

Orbital Strike

After you have the cheat sheet, the music and have studied it carefully and practiced the dance moves, it's time for the final step. After the crab(s) have been confused you must nuke the site of the crab battle from orbit. I suggest moving all of your friends, family, pets and possessions at least 200 miles from the site beforehand.

Hopefully this has helped you. Please share it with everyone you know so they might also be prepared if the worst were to happen.