In our top story, YouTube
In a related story, The Fine Bros announced a lawsuit attempting to collect a sum of fifty million US dollars from the estate of the late Sir Isaac Newton for his third law, which states "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." This will be the first time, if successful, anyone has won a lawsuit against physics. "It's all about community" said The Fine Bros, while kicking a puppy.
In a poll, most voters agreed that Donald Trump won the last Republican debate, in which he didn't attend. In other news, I won the Olympics. All of them. I'm also Miss America BECAUSE FUCK YOU I'M BEAUTIFUL!
Donald Trump lashed out at his Republican rival Ted Cruz for insinuating that he supports universal healthcare. "A vote for Donald Trump is a vote for Obamacare" said Ted Cruz. "Ted Cruz is a butt and has a butt for a face" Donald Trump said in a press release.
This just in, The Fine Bros have announced that being "triggered" is a form of reaction and that they have plans to sue tumblr for eleventy-billion dollars.
That's all for this week. Have a good one folks.