Update: Uh oh, I left out the actual petition link! I used the wrong one instead, oh well, corrected now. Clearly, my body wasn't ready.
Gentleman, ladies, now is our time. The fates have traveled through space and dimension to deliver onto us a great quest. It is a quest of pure greatitude. It's a pretty good quest, all things considered. We are to persuade the #1 guy working on the game Super Smash Bros For Wii U/For 3DS to include Reggie Fils-Aime as a character or in some other way.
Why Reggie in the new Smash Bros, you ask? Well, let me ask you this, why do you hate freedom? And kittens? And hope? Here's one for you, super Hitler, if you follow that link you'll see that he used to work for Pizza Hut. What did he do there? Oh, nothing much, just introduced the goddamn BIGFOOT PIZZA. Is that not worthy of all your praise and a cameo in an awesome game?
This may be the one Internet petition that actually matters, unlike every single one ever or every one that will come in the future. You can be part of history, right now, by signing that petition and spreading the word to all your friends, family, complete strangers and most hated enemies. You can tell all your friends that YOU were one of those guys who signed that petition and helped get that one guy in that game.
Remember, if you don't sign the petition then you hate [insert your country name here] and you don't hate [insert your country name here]... do you?