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"Those who go mad are merely thoughtful souls who failed to reach any conclusions." - Bloodborne

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tips for being remembered: Job Interviews.

Often times, in a job interview or other situations you might want to make sure you're remembered. Here's a few tips.

This time we'll focus on job interviews.

1. Mention that you speak an obscure, or even made up language, something they aren't likely to know themselves in case you have to demonstrate. They won't forget the person that applied who was fluent in Cleptonesian.

2. Wear a shrunken head to the interview around your neck. Tell them it's an African tradition and that it was your grandfather and that it was his wish. Bonus points if you're white. More bonus points if you apply makeup to the shrunken head.

3. Show up wearing old timey flying goggles. Ask them if they have special parking for personal aircraft.

4. Show up wearing large funny glasses. Do the entire interview totally serious as if you aren't wearing them.

5. Bring a portable music player with a laugh track and trigger it after every answer you give.

6. Ask the person interviewing you if they've heard of Jesus. If they say yes, say "So then you know about that asshole too? Fuck that guy! Am I right or what?"

7. Bring a fish bowl with a goldfish in it. Introduce the fish as Christopher Wiggins Lebowski and tell them that you and the fish are legally married in your home country. If the job provides healthcare, ask if it will cover your fish-spouse.

8. When you're asked what you've done, mention that you did standup comedy but all the pro-hitler stuff didn't kill with the audiences.

9. Show up covered in fake blood. Explain it as a board game accident. Then reassure then that it isn't YOUR blood.

10. Ask the person interviewing you if they've ever been abducted by aliens. Seem disappointed when they say no.

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