Launching new products is hard, so I thought I'd get some buzz built up early. Here's a preview:
1. Doesn't Matches
It's like a standard box of matches, but they're all different colors. No two are the same.
2. Wii Wii
It's the next generation version of the Nintendo Wii. They won't return my calls for some reason.
3. Jesus cookies
It's a box of cookies except the box is actually empty. It's about faith... and saving money on making cookies.
4. Pedo meter.
No, not pedometer, pedo meter. It's like a handheld metal detector except you use it to check catholic priests.
5. No-Vaccinations! Barbie.
You get Barbie, her newborn Shirley and an evil Doctor. Oh no, Barbie! Don't let him vaccinate your baby! Those cause AUTISM!
Lift up little Shirley's left arm for a surprise! She fucking dies of polio.
Seriously, you morons, vaccinate your fucking kids.