I get no respect...
I got hit by a car and the grim reaper showed up late. He told me he had a dentist appointment.
I'm not religious, I tried religion once, it didn't work out so well. I wanted to follow jesus... he got a restraining order!
I went with a friend to a restaraunt, they told him they don't serve animals there.
I took my wife to the used car lot, she tried to trade me in, they told her they didn't take clunkers.
When I was 6 my mother took me to the doctor for a check up. They told her she'd probably have better luck with me at the vet!
Speaking of dogs, when I was little my mom took me to a pet shop to get a puppy. The lady at the counter looked at me and said "We don't do trades"!
Can you believe it? I went to a Goodwill and they told me they were fresh out!
I went to my doctor and I said "doctor, I think I have a condition" he said "I don't think ugly is considered an illness".
A few random Rodney Dangerfield style jokes I came up with. Nothing like his jokes, but no one will ever be like Rodney again.