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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Did smurfs have names?

This is something I've been thinking about recently. Perhaps my meds have gone bad. At any rate, I was wondering... did any smurfs have names?

No, I don't mean "jokey smurf" or "papa smurf" I mean... actual names. Like, uh, Ted. Or Steve. Or something. Have you ever seen a smurf named Ted? I didn't think so.

It's been a while since I watched the show, but I don't recall any real names. The closest thing to a "name" was "Smurfette" which isn't much of a name. It's really just an acknowledgement that she's the only female smurf.

Don't you think that's odd? No one bothered to give each other names, or even name themselves?

"Hey, this guy likes to prank people. We'll call him... uh.. jokey. Yeah, genius."

Here's what I'm thinking. This can't be coincidental. There's got to be more to this. I'm thinking... running from the law? Tax dodge? Or worse... terrorism? Are the smurfs actually a group of radical terrorists? Have YOU ever seen any of their birth certificates? I didn't think so.

And you've seen this so-called "papa smurf" yeah, that's right, BEARD. Coincidence? I don't think so. Notice his clothes, red. Why red? Everyone else's is white. Obviously, it's blood. The blood of honest, god-fearing white American upper class republicans. You know, decent people.

I know what you're thinking "this guy is a fucking genius!" and you'd be right. And did you also notice how they talk in CODE? Smurf this, smurf that, you can never understand them. They could have been sending terror cell activation messages for years, right in our living rooms and we never knew it.

I must say it is brilliant. Of course they made one fatal flaw... they let it go to their heads. They thought they were un-touchable. They're even starring in a movie soon! How brazen can you be? I say we take these bastards down, secure America once and for all.

How? It's very simple. I say we hire government officials to molest kids and humiliate the disabled at our nations airports! Genius right? Exactly. It's what jesus would have wanted. He told me so himself. Trust me.

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