1. I'd release the best candy bar ever. So delicious that it could not be resisted. It would simply be called: Rape.
It wouldn't be on the shelves, you'd have to ask for it. You'd go into your local store and ask if they have any Rape? You really love Rape and would like to buy some.
That would be awesome.
2. Satellite orbital laser. First target, fox news. Second target, justin beiber. Third target? Justin beiber again, just to make goddamn sure.
3. Buy facebook. Close it down.
4. Hire republican witch candidate to put curses on random congressional republicans. Turn them into newts, see if they get better.
5. Give Dave Chappelle a ton of money to start making new episodes of The Chappelle show.
What would you do?