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Thursday, July 29, 2010

The beardacolypse.

Have you noticed something... different? Something that isn't quite right among the funny and famous? You know what I mean... beards.

I first noticed this when Conan O'brien (And David Letterman) grew a beard during the somewhat-recent writers strike. I was pretty shocked when I saw this. I thought "why? he looks horrible!" and then I thought about cheese for a while. Cheese is fucking awesome.

Of course after the strike ended he shaved the beard. All was right with the world, right? Not quite. After the Conan/Leno debacle which recently left Conan without a show, he stopped shaving. And so, once again, there was the beard. Why? I'm not sure. This could be simple laziness on Conan's part or it could be something deeper.

I didn't think too much of it until the recent return of new episodes of The Daily Show. And I saw it...

What in the fucking fuck? Of all people... John Stewart??? Luckily Stephen Colbert is beard-free... for now. But it makes me wonder, what do they want? Yeah, them, the beards. They must have a reason for this sudden take over. But why? Man and beard have lived side-by-side for thousands of years. What triggered this sudden invasion?

Don't think I'm serious? Try it yourself, don't shave for a few days. Notice something? Yeah, it's a beard. It'll take you as well, if you let it. It's not like this is new, either. The beards have taken royalty, gay cowboys and even Neo! Beards almost seem like "the one ring" from Lord of the Rings. You see it, then you want it. Then you can't get rid of it. Then it consumes you.

So, what can we do? Email your favorite actors and tv hosts. Beg them to rid themselves of their beards before it's too late. We can fight this, we just have to be vigilant.

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